I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
