This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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