i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
