Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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