I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
