Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
