she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
