I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you would pick up someone in the library
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
