brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
