Is it normal to miss your booty call?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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