Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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