i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
