My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
