i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
