um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
