I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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