I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
