Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
