I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
