yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
