I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
