I wanna bring you to show and tell
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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