hotel room ftw
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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