His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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