i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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