How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
