somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
