I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
