i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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