My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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