So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
