You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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