Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
