I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
