Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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