he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
