i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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