Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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