yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
