Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
