So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
