..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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