Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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