Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
