Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
