Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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