Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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