the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
