break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Actions speak louder than pants.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just invented taco cereal.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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