She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
