You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
