I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Just puked most of my soul out..
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
