dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize
