this beer tastes like vomit already
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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