There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
