Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(732): View more from New Jersey

doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...

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(307): View more from Wyoming

Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.

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(404): View more from Georgia

There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase

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(239): View more from Florida

I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer

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(347): View more from New York

I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time

(1-347): View more from New York

Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water

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(228): View more from Mississippi

we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.

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